Last week we talked about the adjourning phase of a group or team. However now that it is real this week, it is much harder to describe. So many times, responding to a discussion or a blog was such a positive escape from the real world of people who are prejudice, hurtful, and so closed-minded. I often wished that I could have some of you with me all day as I went about doing my work. You could encourage me when others bring me down. But then I realized that you can be with me all day. I have gained more from all of you than you will ever know. It may have been a simple sentence in a blog response or something more insightful in a discussion. In difficult times, I can go back in my memory and think of all the encouragement and knowledge all of you have given me. This can help me through those hard times. How different my perspectives are on many aspects of life now that I have gone through these courses. I have grown as a student, a professional, and as a person. I am truly a better person for having known and learned from all of you. I wish all of you the very best as we move forward. I hope that I talk to some of you in the Public Policy and Advocacy concentration. If we don't meet again, always know that you were very special to me and that we were a part of something so much bigger than ourselves. The sum of the parts are greater than the individual parts. I am so grateful to have been a part of this team.
Take Care,
Mary Jo
Monday, October 21, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Adjourning
I have belonged to many groups where our work had ended and we had to say goodbye. I think the hardest to say goodbye to was not on a professional level but on a more informal level. My daughter took dancing lessons at a local dancing school since she was 4 years old. In April she graduated from her dancing school at the age of 18. This dancing school was very involved as they took part in parades, competitions, and an elaborate recital at the end of each school year. For many of you, you may be thinking of the TV show Dance Moms. Well I can assure you it was nothing like that. The school was a very family friendly place where all girls were treasured. We the parents all grew together over the past 14 years. We shared stories as we waited in the waiting room, we traveled together to parades, and we cheered and cried together at competitions. Although we did not associate with each other on a social level, we had such a bond through our daughters and through our passion for making our girls happy. I remember an instance when one of the girls lost her feather headpiece for a dance. All the moms took one feather from their daughters' headpieces and was able to make a new headpiece for the girl. When our girls graduated we all hugged and cried. We watched our daughters grow from babies through their awkward stages and now into beautiful young women. We knew that each girl would be moving in a different direction and as a result we would be moving with them. We all looked at each other and agreed, "What a great ride" I miss those moments with those ladies but I am also glad that I had the experience.
For this master's program at Walden University, I will be saying goodbye to groups of women twice. I followed the same group of colleagues for the first five courses and then took a short break for eight weeks. I was very sad to leave those women because I was accustomed to the way they wrote their discussions and how they responded. However it did not take long once I started again in September to make new friends. I have learned so much from all my colleagues and although we may not be able to speak to each other personally, I know we have had the same challenges and struggles. We have gotten to know so much about each person. I know I have shared stories with my colleagues that no one else knows. In our courses, mutual respect and trust was present. We trusted that we would not be judged by our challenges in life but we would be given encouragement and hope. I will miss our special kind of collaboration.
For this master's program at Walden University, I will be saying goodbye to groups of women twice. I followed the same group of colleagues for the first five courses and then took a short break for eight weeks. I was very sad to leave those women because I was accustomed to the way they wrote their discussions and how they responded. However it did not take long once I started again in September to make new friends. I have learned so much from all my colleagues and although we may not be able to speak to each other personally, I know we have had the same challenges and struggles. We have gotten to know so much about each person. I know I have shared stories with my colleagues that no one else knows. In our courses, mutual respect and trust was present. We trusted that we would not be judged by our challenges in life but we would be given encouragement and hope. I will miss our special kind of collaboration.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Week 5 Conflict Resolution
I am not personally having a conflict with anyone but I am a bystander to some conflicting issues with my job. Child care centers, public preschools, and Head Start centers in my town are called by the state to form a collaboration and become a unified early childhood network. When I attend these meetings, I can hear judgments being made toward certain programs, while there are others that are evaluating the validity of some one's comments. I mentioned this unprofessionalism to the Child Care Resource & Referral Agency who is sponsoring this collaboration. I talked about empathetic listening and effective communication and they said they wanted me at the next meeting to help with this. They said they were very stressed by these professionals' behaviors but did not know what to do.
Although this class is an introduction to communication and collaboration, I feel confident that I can help because there is absolutely no effective communication taking place. People are blaming and emotions are running high. I may not have the knowledge or skills to resolve their issues but I can try to get these programs communicating better than they are now.
At the meeting next week with the leaders of these programs, I may use the strategies based on the Non Violent Communication Model.
1. Honestly Expressing - I think what causes the conflict among these groups is what is NOT said as opposed to what is said. There is a saying about having "the elephant in the room". That idea or feeling that is weighing in on some one's mind but they won't talk about it. When communicating it comes out as sarcastic comments or personal attacks. I am going to try to get everyone to say what bothers them about each group. According to NVC, this would not be a blame game but simply a time to express how you are feeling.
2. Empathetic Listening - I will attempt to talk to these groups of professionals about listening without judging and that they need to rid their minds of past biases. They need to start listening from a new perspective. This collaboration is a new experience and we need to come together so that the children in our district will benefit. Also if families see that these groups are divided, we will never unify as a community. As a result, our district's early childhood education will fall behind others in the state.
I am usually very withdrawn especially in groups. That was clarified on my communication anxiety assessment last week. However, at the last meeting when I saw how grown, educated professionals conducted themselves, I knew that I could do better. At least I can try. I may not have enough knowledge yet but at least I can try to get them to do the basics of respectful communication.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I welcome any suggestions or comments. The meeting is next Friday.
Although this class is an introduction to communication and collaboration, I feel confident that I can help because there is absolutely no effective communication taking place. People are blaming and emotions are running high. I may not have the knowledge or skills to resolve their issues but I can try to get these programs communicating better than they are now.
At the meeting next week with the leaders of these programs, I may use the strategies based on the Non Violent Communication Model.
1. Honestly Expressing - I think what causes the conflict among these groups is what is NOT said as opposed to what is said. There is a saying about having "the elephant in the room". That idea or feeling that is weighing in on some one's mind but they won't talk about it. When communicating it comes out as sarcastic comments or personal attacks. I am going to try to get everyone to say what bothers them about each group. According to NVC, this would not be a blame game but simply a time to express how you are feeling.
2. Empathetic Listening - I will attempt to talk to these groups of professionals about listening without judging and that they need to rid their minds of past biases. They need to start listening from a new perspective. This collaboration is a new experience and we need to come together so that the children in our district will benefit. Also if families see that these groups are divided, we will never unify as a community. As a result, our district's early childhood education will fall behind others in the state.
I am usually very withdrawn especially in groups. That was clarified on my communication anxiety assessment last week. However, at the last meeting when I saw how grown, educated professionals conducted themselves, I knew that I could do better. At least I can try. I may not have enough knowledge yet but at least I can try to get them to do the basics of respectful communication.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I welcome any suggestions or comments. The meeting is next Friday.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Communication Assessments
What surprised me the most about the evaluations on my communication skills was that others do not think that I have communication anxiety. They gave me moderate scores while my score was elevated. I thought that the people who knew me well knew how much I disliked speaking in front of large groups or even small groups for that matter. I do not think they know how upset I get when I have to do this.
Insights about communication
1. Listening. I have always known that I like listening to others simply because I am not very confident in speaking myself. However I did not realize that I am an effective listener. I realized that I do empathize with others and try to understand their feelings and thoughts. I do not become defensive when others do not agree with me.
2. "Situational". I learned this week through the communication anxiety assessment that I enjoy talking with one or two people at a time. I especially enjoy talking to others about early childhood. I do not have anxiety in meeting new people. The results of the assessment described my anxiety as "situational" because I only have increased anxiety in public speaking situations. I do not have a problem having conversations with others. It is only those situations that involve public presentations where I am the center of attention. Although I am confident in the content of what I am saying, I am not confident in how I present myself.
Professional & Personal Life
Fortunately for me, my job involves speaking one on one with child care providers. Each of their situations are unique so in order to give accurate consulting strategies, I utilize my listening skills to determine what each provider needs. I do have to speak in front of small groups which makes me nervous. Usually once I get started, I become comfortable because the people that I speak to are all interested in early childhood. I have had to make a few presentations to large groups and my anxiety was elevated to the point that I could not eat before the presentation. However they always turned out okay because the presentations were to groups of Head Start teachers who were supportive. They could tell I was nervous and helped me calm down. I think overall, early childhood professionals are compassionate and do not want anyone to feel insecure.
I do need to work on my confidence in communicating in my personal life. I do not have anxiety in communicating with others but I am not confident that they want to hear what I have to say. My husband on the other hand, can start up a conversation with anyone about anything. I think because we have been married for so many years, I let him lead the communication and I just add comments along the way.
Insights about communication
1. Listening. I have always known that I like listening to others simply because I am not very confident in speaking myself. However I did not realize that I am an effective listener. I realized that I do empathize with others and try to understand their feelings and thoughts. I do not become defensive when others do not agree with me.
2. "Situational". I learned this week through the communication anxiety assessment that I enjoy talking with one or two people at a time. I especially enjoy talking to others about early childhood. I do not have anxiety in meeting new people. The results of the assessment described my anxiety as "situational" because I only have increased anxiety in public speaking situations. I do not have a problem having conversations with others. It is only those situations that involve public presentations where I am the center of attention. Although I am confident in the content of what I am saying, I am not confident in how I present myself.
Professional & Personal Life
Fortunately for me, my job involves speaking one on one with child care providers. Each of their situations are unique so in order to give accurate consulting strategies, I utilize my listening skills to determine what each provider needs. I do have to speak in front of small groups which makes me nervous. Usually once I get started, I become comfortable because the people that I speak to are all interested in early childhood. I have had to make a few presentations to large groups and my anxiety was elevated to the point that I could not eat before the presentation. However they always turned out okay because the presentations were to groups of Head Start teachers who were supportive. They could tell I was nervous and helped me calm down. I think overall, early childhood professionals are compassionate and do not want anyone to feel insecure.
I do need to work on my confidence in communicating in my personal life. I do not have anxiety in communicating with others but I am not confident that they want to hear what I have to say. My husband on the other hand, can start up a conversation with anyone about anything. I think because we have been married for so many years, I let him lead the communication and I just add comments along the way.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Diversity in Communication
I do not think that I communicate differently based on race, religion or sexual orientation. However I do communicate differently with people from other occupations. Many times people outside of the early childhood field are not interested in talking about early childhood education because they do not see any value in it. I usually find another common topic to talk about.
I also communicate differently with people with varying abilities. In my work, there are some child care providers that demand more explanation than others. Some have the ability to grasp the information I am giving them while others require that I give many details and examples. A good rule that I like to follow is, "know your audience".
In regards to political affiliation, I do not talk about politics because I work for a state department and they discourage us from talking about politics. However, there are some programs and issues around early childhood that I will support and defend even though they are politically grounded.
Strategies for effective communication
1. Perceptions - We need to rid ourselves of any biases, judgments, or prejudices so that we can communicate with a clear mind.
2. Listening - We need to not only hear the words but listen to the meaning of the words. We need to listen to the message by separating the message from the speaker. When we actively listen to someone speak, the message is clearer and the communication is effective
3. Empathy - In order to receive a message clearly, we must feel and understand the feelings of the speaker. If we are going to understand the feelings of others, we must put our own feelings aside.
I also communicate differently with people with varying abilities. In my work, there are some child care providers that demand more explanation than others. Some have the ability to grasp the information I am giving them while others require that I give many details and examples. A good rule that I like to follow is, "know your audience".
In regards to political affiliation, I do not talk about politics because I work for a state department and they discourage us from talking about politics. However, there are some programs and issues around early childhood that I will support and defend even though they are politically grounded.
Strategies for effective communication
1. Perceptions - We need to rid ourselves of any biases, judgments, or prejudices so that we can communicate with a clear mind.
2. Listening - We need to not only hear the words but listen to the meaning of the words. We need to listen to the message by separating the message from the speaker. When we actively listen to someone speak, the message is clearer and the communication is effective
3. Empathy - In order to receive a message clearly, we must feel and understand the feelings of the speaker. If we are going to understand the feelings of others, we must put our own feelings aside.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Week 2 - TV Show
I chose to watch a show on the Disney channel because it has been years since I have watched any show on that channel. I turned on the TV at 10:00am and there was a new Disney show called Liv and Maddie just beginning.
No Sound
The show began with two girls in a bedroom. One girl was older than the other one. I thought they must be sisters. The older girl was very dramatic and animated. She was dressed fashionably with her hair curled, lots of make-up, and jewelry. The younger girl was more tailored with her hair in a pony tail, glasses, sweat pants, and a sports jersey. The older girl was showing the younger girl a video of herself performing a song and dance routine. The younger girl patiently watched but did not seem pleased or excited about the video. The older girl used many hand gestures and frequent body language while talking. I could tell she liked talking about herself. In another scene there were two boys sharing a bedroom. I assumed these were the girls two brothers. There was a mom and dad in the house who also appeared at the school. I figured the mom must be a teacher and the dad a coach. He had a whistle around his neck.
Sound
After I turned the sound on, I realized the girls were twins!! I made a bad assumption about these characters. They are not just twins in the show but the actresses are really twins. Their outward appearances changed their looks drastically. I assumed the girl dressed up (Liv) was older than the girl in the sports jersey (Maddie). I was correct in the assumption that Liv was very dramatic. She had spent some time in Hollywood while the sister, Maddie liked playing sports. The dad was a coach at the school while the mom was a teacher.
I definitely would have made better assumptions on a show that I knew well. Watching a show with no sound that I am familiar with, I would have known that the girls were twins. I had to discover that after I turned the sound on. Using non verbal cues did not tell me the whole story. Not only that but the non verbal cues also tricked me into thinking the girls were different ages. This huge error in assumption taught me a lot about making assumptions about people based on their clothes, make-up, etc. We cannot know a person by simply looking at their outward appearance but only through verbal connection can we get to know a person and develop a relationship.
There was a scene that I think summarizes this. Liv dressed up like Maddie in a sports jersey, glasses, and pony tail and asked this boy to go to a dance. He told her no because he said you are not my type. He later explained to Maddie what happened and he said he told her no because he knew all along it was Liv dressed up like Maddie. This boy obviously knew the two girls far beyond looks.
No Sound
The show began with two girls in a bedroom. One girl was older than the other one. I thought they must be sisters. The older girl was very dramatic and animated. She was dressed fashionably with her hair curled, lots of make-up, and jewelry. The younger girl was more tailored with her hair in a pony tail, glasses, sweat pants, and a sports jersey. The older girl was showing the younger girl a video of herself performing a song and dance routine. The younger girl patiently watched but did not seem pleased or excited about the video. The older girl used many hand gestures and frequent body language while talking. I could tell she liked talking about herself. In another scene there were two boys sharing a bedroom. I assumed these were the girls two brothers. There was a mom and dad in the house who also appeared at the school. I figured the mom must be a teacher and the dad a coach. He had a whistle around his neck.
Sound
After I turned the sound on, I realized the girls were twins!! I made a bad assumption about these characters. They are not just twins in the show but the actresses are really twins. Their outward appearances changed their looks drastically. I assumed the girl dressed up (Liv) was older than the girl in the sports jersey (Maddie). I was correct in the assumption that Liv was very dramatic. She had spent some time in Hollywood while the sister, Maddie liked playing sports. The dad was a coach at the school while the mom was a teacher.
I definitely would have made better assumptions on a show that I knew well. Watching a show with no sound that I am familiar with, I would have known that the girls were twins. I had to discover that after I turned the sound on. Using non verbal cues did not tell me the whole story. Not only that but the non verbal cues also tricked me into thinking the girls were different ages. This huge error in assumption taught me a lot about making assumptions about people based on their clothes, make-up, etc. We cannot know a person by simply looking at their outward appearance but only through verbal connection can we get to know a person and develop a relationship.
There was a scene that I think summarizes this. Liv dressed up like Maddie in a sports jersey, glasses, and pony tail and asked this boy to go to a dance. He told her no because he said you are not my type. He later explained to Maddie what happened and he said he told her no because he knew all along it was Liv dressed up like Maddie. This boy obviously knew the two girls far beyond looks.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Effective Communicators
When I think of an effective communicator, the first trait that comes to mind is someone who listens. Most people think of communication as talking, but I prefer to communicate with someone who actively listens to me or others. A friend of mine named Jodie has always been an effective communicator. I met her when our daughters took dancing lessons together fourteen years ago. We spent many hours over the years waiting for our daughters to finish their lessons. She always listened to whatever I was saying and was not distracted by anything else going on around us. I knew she was listening because she would make comments or ask questions about my conversation. Over the years that I have known her, she makes every attempt to make the person she is talking to feel valued. I always walk away from her feeling a little more uplifted than I was before I spoke to her. I wish I could say more about her traits besides the fact that she listens because there is so much more that she does. Her skills are hard for me to define. Her friendliness is not fake but very genuine. I would love to be able to communicate the way she does, and make people feel valued after a simple conversation. She may have learned some of her communication skills from her job. She is a Human Resource Director of a company. I hope I leave this course understanding her skills, and I hope I have learned some of them also.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)