Communication Assessments

What surprised me the most about the evaluations on my communication skills was that others do not think that I have communication anxiety. They gave me moderate scores while my score was elevated. I thought that the people who knew me well knew how much I disliked speaking in front of large groups or even small groups for that matter. I do not think they know how upset I get when I have to do this.

Insights about communication

          1. Listening. I have always known that I like listening to others simply because I am not very confident in speaking myself. However I did not realize that I am an effective listener. I realized that I do empathize with others and try to understand their feelings and thoughts. I do not become defensive when others do not agree with me.

          2. "Situational". I learned this week through the communication anxiety assessment that I enjoy talking with one or two people at a time. I especially enjoy talking to others about early childhood. I do not have anxiety in meeting new people. The results of the assessment described my anxiety as "situational" because I only have increased anxiety in public speaking situations. I do not have a problem having conversations with others. It is only those situations that involve public presentations where I am the center of attention. Although I am confident in the content of what I am saying, I am not confident in how I present myself.

Professional & Personal Life

          Fortunately for me, my job involves speaking one on one with child care providers. Each of their situations are unique so in order to give accurate consulting strategies, I utilize my listening skills to determine what each provider needs. I do have to speak in front of small groups which makes me nervous. Usually once I get started, I become comfortable because the people that I speak to are all interested in early childhood. I have had to make a few presentations to large groups and my anxiety was elevated to the point that I could not eat before the presentation. However they always turned out okay because the presentations were to groups of Head Start teachers who were supportive. They could tell I was nervous and helped me calm down. I think overall, early childhood professionals are compassionate and do not want anyone to feel insecure.
          I do need to work on my confidence in communicating in my personal life. I do not have anxiety in communicating with others but I am not confident that they want to hear what I have to say. My husband on the other hand, can start up a conversation with anyone about anything. I think because we have been married for so many years, I let him lead the communication and I just add comments along the way.

Diversity in Communication

I do not think that I communicate differently based on race, religion or sexual orientation. However I do communicate differently with people from other occupations. Many times people outside of the early childhood field are not interested in talking about early childhood education because they do not see any value in it. I usually find another common topic to talk about.

I also communicate differently with people with varying abilities. In my work, there are some child care providers that demand more explanation than others. Some have the ability to grasp the information I am giving them while others require that I give many details and examples. A good rule that I like to follow is, "know your audience".

In regards to political affiliation, I do not talk about politics because I work for a state department and they discourage us from talking about politics. However, there are some programs and issues around early childhood that I will support and defend even though they are politically grounded.

Strategies for effective communication
1. Perceptions - We need to rid ourselves of any biases, judgments, or prejudices so that we can communicate with a clear mind.

2. Listening - We need to not only hear the words but listen to the meaning of the words. We need to listen to the message by separating the message from the speaker. When we actively listen to someone speak, the message is clearer and the communication is effective

3. Empathy -  In order to receive a message clearly, we must feel and understand the feelings of the speaker. If we are going to understand the feelings of others, we must put our own feelings aside.

Week 2 - TV Show

I chose to watch a show on the Disney channel because it has been years since I have watched any show on that channel. I turned on the TV at 10:00am and there was a new Disney show called Liv and Maddie just beginning.

No Sound
The show began with two girls in a bedroom. One girl was older than the other one. I thought they must be sisters. The older girl was very dramatic and animated. She was dressed fashionably with her hair curled, lots of make-up, and jewelry. The younger girl was more tailored with her hair in a pony tail, glasses, sweat pants, and a sports jersey. The older girl was showing the younger girl a video of herself performing a song and dance routine. The younger girl patiently watched but did not seem pleased or excited about the video. The older girl used many hand gestures and frequent body language while talking. I could tell she liked talking about herself. In another scene there were two boys sharing a bedroom. I assumed these were the girls two brothers. There was a mom and dad in the house who also appeared at the school. I figured the mom must be a teacher and the dad a coach. He had a whistle around his neck.

Sound
After I turned the sound on, I realized the girls were twins!! I made a bad assumption about these characters. They are not just twins in the show but the actresses are really twins. Their outward appearances changed their looks drastically. I assumed the girl dressed up (Liv) was older than the girl in the sports jersey (Maddie). I was correct in the assumption that Liv was very dramatic. She had spent some time in Hollywood while the sister, Maddie liked playing sports. The dad was a coach at the school while the mom was a teacher.

I definitely would have made better assumptions on a show that I knew well. Watching a show with no sound that I am familiar with, I would have known that the girls were twins. I had to discover that after I turned the sound on. Using non verbal cues did not tell me the whole story. Not only that but the non verbal cues also tricked me into thinking the girls were different ages. This huge error in assumption taught me a lot about making assumptions about people based on their clothes, make-up, etc. We cannot know a person by simply looking at their outward appearance but only through verbal connection can we get to know a person and develop a relationship.

There was a scene that I think summarizes this. Liv dressed up like Maddie in a sports jersey, glasses, and pony tail and asked this boy to go to a dance. He told her no because he said you are not my type. He later explained to Maddie what happened and he said he told her no because he knew all along it was Liv dressed up like Maddie. This boy obviously knew the two girls far beyond looks.

Effective Communicators

When I think of an effective communicator, the first trait that comes to mind is someone who listens. Most people think of communication as talking, but I prefer to communicate with someone who actively listens to me or others. A friend of mine named Jodie has always been an effective communicator. I met her when our daughters took dancing lessons together fourteen years ago. We spent many hours over the years waiting for our daughters to finish their lessons. She always listened to whatever I was saying and was not distracted by anything else going on around us. I knew she was listening because she would make comments or ask questions about my conversation. Over the years that I have known her, she makes every attempt to make the person she is talking to feel valued. I always walk away from her feeling a little more uplifted than I was before I spoke to her. I wish I could say more about her traits besides the fact that she listens because there is so much more that she does. Her skills are hard for me to define. Her friendliness is not fake but very genuine. I would love to be able to communicate the way she does, and make people feel valued after a simple conversation. She may have learned some of her communication skills from her job. She is a Human Resource Director of a company. I hope I leave this course understanding her skills, and I hope I have learned some of them also.